This is a goofy quest I worked on periodically from 2009-2011. I'm really proud of it, even if it's not perfect and a bit rough around the edges. It's a spiritual sequel to the first I Hate Mayonnaise, although it really doesn't share much in common with that quest beyond the tileset and overall atmosphere. It's far longer and there's way more to do.

There are 5 dungeons and many more minidungeons. It probably won't take you too long to beat -- roughly 6-7 hours on the first playthrough, and that's if you bother to retrieve everything.

This was originally intended to be a sister quest to Exate's Pessimistic Pizza, hence the title, and they were meant to come out around the same time. However, due to delays in both quests development, that plan didn't work out.

This quest was mostly designed in 2.10, so it mostly sticks to that version's features. There's not much in terms of scripts or new mechanics in this quest. I mostly just focused on design. And the pretty colors.

Hope you enjoy it!

Last updated: 02/16/2016. Current version: 1.11.2.

(The readme was updated slightly on 02/13/2024 to reflect a few name changes. There are no changes to the quest file, and 1.11.2 remains the latest build.)

I dunno.

• Nearly every object out of the ordinary has significance to it -- pay very close attention to them. And slash every bush/every tall grass tile you can find! Not only is this a very fast way to accumulate money (which you will need) and keep your health high, but many things are hidden in the grass.

• When you get the whistle, the warp ring takes you to: The potion shop, the wand shop, the southwestern most screen in Canyonero, and the entrance to Shiptown Township. You can take advantage of this to quickly get potions late in the game.

• For your reference, large crystals must have magic directed towards them in order to cause a reaction. Smaller gems embedded in blocks require *reflected* magic (ie. with the mirror shield).

• There's a few NPCs in Shiptown Township that offer useful advice, and you can purchase the blue ring and other things there (also, the raft, a required item, is only obtainable there). The entrance to there is in the southernmost section of Festivity Fields.

• There are five heart containers scattered around the world in addition to the four you get from boss fights. You may also retrieve three higher level swords beyond the Splinter Sword you start off with, and there are large rupee amounts hidden in various caves. Exploration is good, so be sure to look around!

• You can get the Lens of Truth as soon as you get the Red Candle (Sunny B. Light). I'm not gonna point out specifically where, but if you find it, you can basically break the game wide open.

• I'd recommend bringing a pen and paper to level 4 -- it's quite a bit more confusing than I'd hoped it would end up being. Or you can just look at the map file packaged with the quest.

If you need any more help, feel free to post in the help thread!

The full version of the credits can be found in the notes bundled with the quest. The full credits contain MIDI credits in addition to the credits listed here, so check it out if you're curious where a song is from. Or you can just use MIDI Info.

I really, really appreciate the help I've gotten, and I am indebted to all of these people for all they've provided.
Thank you!

QUEST
(and some custom tile work, palette work, et cetera...)
Rambly

GRAPHICS

tileset
This quest uses a modified version of the tileset from Bloodstar's A Link to the Shadows,
itself a modified version of Exate's Edited Demo Quest Tiles,
itself a modified version of Phantom Menace's Demo Quest Tileset.
Thank you to Bloodstar for letting me use his tileset well before its official release!

original assets
Nintendo
HAL Laboratory
Square Enix
Namco
Capcom
Game Freak
Chunsoft

from Armageddon Games
Phantom Menace
Warlock

from PureZC
Bloodstar
Exate
4matsy
King Aquamentus
Radien
PrinceMSC
Orion
Wild Bill
Tatsudoshi

from The Spriters' Resource
Vanarus
Kamon
HeladoDeSol
Ragey
Mystery_Dungeon
Jackster
Mighty Jetters
Techokami
Dasani
Fleepa

BETA TESTERS (AND BUG CATCHERS)
Bloodstar
Exate
Sephiroth
Eppy
Moosh

SPECIAL THANKS

shallow water SFX script
MoscowModder

advice, support, general wisdom
Bloodstar
Exate
Jill
Sephiroth
Eppy
Raspberry