Have you ever felt like that? Like in the back of your head is this kid throwing temper tantrums and freaking out violently over and over again until the madness drips down into your fingers and you start wigging out on the internet?
I used to be able to collect some calmness over time. A sense of worth. Willingness to strive towards a greater purpose and be of a vaguely civilized mind. But then that freaking insane kid comes back and starts throwing chairs and all my fingers can do is follow suit.
Someone will likely come along and try to generalize, saying "horseshit, it's called lack of self control". I contend that it goes a little deeper than that. Like some otherworldly cthulu-esque demon has taken a foothold.
Its easy to just say "you're a narcissist" and leave it at that. I cannot argue against that point effortlessly. However, I'd like to think I have some form of regard for the sanity of others.
EDIT:
If one could put to trial my quest design, would one say that it borders on the level of narcissistic? Do I look for openings in the human psyche with which to pummel senselessly into insanity the player? I have been told that the music I composed for 5th quest could just about drive a person into a coma from its sheer lack of melodiousness.It was so mind numbingly horrible that I had to seek help just to make it suck a bit less.
Imagine, if you will, a darknut that phases in and out like a wizzrobe. Forcing you to predict its location as though you were operating in sync with the machine you are playing on.
Other such cheap and abominable things I've no doubt driven people into madness with.
On careful self analysis I would say that If I am not a narcissist, then I at least have a very gaping and soul crushing mean streak.
I don't want it. I want the madness and lack of rhythm in my behavior to subside.
Edited by BigJoe, 31 July 2023 - 01:46 AM.
