One really weird thing I noticed is that in the past 3-4 months at work, I seem to have become more "normal". I'm not getting offended by jokes at work anymore and I'm no longer as serious as I used to be. Like for the first time in my life, I'm actually acting like a typical human. Now only two problems remain; I NEED to get over my perfectionism and inferiority complexes. It's kind of hurting my job performance because every time I make the slightest mistake (which most of the time, it isn't), I worry that I'm going to get fired. That or I'll try to calm myself down in the break room, only to spew nonsense like "I'm an idiot" and "I can't do anything right".
Seriously, I'm a 4-year graduate with the Cum Laude honorary title, graduated in the top 10% of my high school graduation class and I've been given mostly very good reviews by my managers (save for me being hard on myself, which I have been told many times I need to stop because I am in no danger of being fired, despite what I may think). Why do I constantly feel like I'm stupid, incompetent or worthless? I mean come on; a lot of people would kill to have some of my gifts. Yet here I am, feeling like I'm never good enough.
Ever since I got my head out of my ass when I began high school (during middle school, I really began to slack off and by 8th grade, I was failing multiple classes and not caring), I just seem to have painted myself in a corner. I always want to reach a forever rising bar. At this point, the bar is so ridiculously high that I'm setting myself up for failure. My margin for error kept getting thinner and thinner throughout high school to the point if I had less than a 90% on a math test, I would have a complete emotional meltdown. For other classes, I perceived myself as a failure if I got under an 80%. That even followed into college where if I so much as got a math-related question incorrect, I would remove myself from class and have a meltdown.
Now here I am, getting worked up over a simple job any 16 year old could do easily. All I do is pull carts, water, do trash, stock dairy, mop the bathrooms and help people load their groceries into their vehicles. It's not even a hard job, yet with my overinflated expectations of what I consider success to be, so much as forgetting a wet floor sign is enough to bum me out for a good hour or so. Even if the carts are a little backed up, I still get distressed. Hell, one day, I was endangering myself under that delusion of being fired. I had all of my carts just barely pulled up in time to leave and didn't get the watering or returns done. The end result was me having a meltdown and needing to sit for 10-15 minutes before I was able to drive home safely.
