Whenever controversial stuff like this comes up that is potentially upsetting for members, I feel the need to remain professional. To present a united front. Backlash does happen, and if we were to cave every time it happened, nothing would ever get done. To a certain extent, the job of the staff is to decide on policy, and then execute it. For example, nobody likes to be warned over rule infractions. With few exceptions, nobody believes what they did was wrong, and will fight and protest and pitch a fit rather than accept a couple numbers on the internet or a few days away. So I do think it's important that the staff be willing to execute actions that are unpopular, and not to cave to pressure.
With that said, I'm a person, too, and I'd like to take a less professional approach here. I'll start by saying that I personally find backlash on virtually anything to be incredibly upsetting. It's not like I'm not listening, or that I don't care. I care a lot about people's feelings and opinions. I should also make it clear that, as is often the case, I feel like I'm having to be the sole public face and target of hate for something that is not solely my doing. It's true that I had a big part in shaping this policy, but I'd ask you all to remember that at the end of the day, I'm one person. I am not someone who just goes "This is what I want, so I'm doing it," when it comes to the community. I am always listening to different perspectives, both from the staff team, and everyone else. The vast majority of decisions are things that are discussed among the staff until we reach a consensus. In some cases, I don't even like decisions we've made, but I execute them anyway because sometimes it seems like I'm the only one willing to. So it often gets to me when people hate me because I happen to be the only one posting.
Now, I can see that massive amount of people who are against the policy. Let me see here. Shane. Wait, didn't he like my post on the policy? Weird. Hmmm ... Dimi. Didn't he like my post, too? Yoshi liked the post, too. And Avaro. Wait, didn't one of these people express to Russ just the other night how grateful he was for the changes? Didn't one of them tell me he thought I was the best admin in PureZC's history? (Some of these people have since undone their likes, but my notifications still show a record of them.) Why is it that all these people who at first seemed totally on-board with this policy are the very ones protesting it? This is not a case of one person liking the policy, then thinking a bit and going "whoops." So what the hell happened here?
And why is it that some of these people are the same ones who have interacted with me regularly in various Discord groups? I would think you all have a pretty good understanding of who I am as a person by now. But all of that flies out the window overnight, apparently, because a policy that you suddenly, inexplicably, are against.
People went from liking the policy, to being so utterly opposed that they're willing to leave the community over it? What the hell? Again, you people know me. Why is it that you feel like fleeing the community in a fit of emotion is the better alternative to talking things out? And yes, I realize saying that will hurt some people, but to be frank, it seems like no matter what I say, some people take offense. So I'm calling it what it is. There's a bandwagon effect going on where one person gets really upset and emotional, and because that person is well-liked, everyone else follows. You can't expect the staff to cave to threats like that. If you're unhappy with the policy, and if you genuinely care about the community, stay and discuss it like a mature person, rather than making threats or leaving in a storm. We'd listen to you. We always listen. But we never got proper discussions of this at all. People jumped straight to the ultimatums. This kind of behavior only hurts your case.
This idea that we're "excluding anyone who isn't LGBT" is so utterly absurd I don't know where to begin. I've constantly made an effort to be fair in this respect. I've sat back and tolerated jokes, not just at the expense of gay people, but aimed personally at me, because I didn't want to be perceived as being biased. (Let's just say that a certain jerkwad seems weirdly obsessed with what happens with my ass ...) It's just incredibly upsetting that, in spite of years of fostering good will and personally getting to know so many of you, the instant you don't like something about a policy, you jump ship and assume the worst of me. You should know me better than that. If you want to leave, that's on you. I'm not going to sit here and go, "Oh please don't leave! We'll change whatever you want, just don't go!" That's not how this works. If you want to make meaningful contributions to the policy, stay here and talk and communicate, because these threats, as serious about them as I'm sure you are, are just irresponsible.
I want everyone to feel welcome, even those who some consider "problematic." I'm going to name some people here, because everyone will know who I'm talking about anyway, and dodging around it is just silly. Perhaps I'll be saying too much, so I apologize to these people in advance. Chris Miller frequently posts stuff in Current Events that many would find offensive. I personally am not bothered by most of it, but some people are. Recently, Tim posted something in there that was deemed pretty inappropriate. We had people on the staff advocating for immediate perma-bans for both of them. I personally said, "absolutely not." I feel we need to go through a proper escalation and warning process for all members. So we issued a warning and a 3-day ban for Tim. This was apparently the worst thing ever, because it was clearly a joke, and we've overlooked worse stuff than that before. I don't think either of these people are bad people. Heck, I try to see the best in everyone, and there's almost no one I would truly consider a "bad person." But the things they're saying are problematic, and we had no clear policy against them. Taking action against that was received extremely poorly, with a decent amount of backlash.
Now, we look to the other side. We have a ton of members who hate the Discord server as it is now. We have members and staff who have left, some out of a loathing for the state of the server, others out of sheer exhaustion of trying to moderate it. I'm so exhausted with the place I barely post in there. The same holds true of our other two admins. There is a problem here. These policy changes are an attempt to resolve those problems. And frankly, I think they would work, if people would calm down long enough to just give them a chance.
Now, people are talking about debates on trans stuff as if they're very important to have, in order to convince people and educate them on trans issues. But in my experience, this isn't what's been taking place at all. It's just been spouting of hateful anti-trans memes from people who have no care about debating and learning. Discussions about trans issues are absolutely allowed, as I said in the opening post. This idea that we'll be shutting down any and all discussion of this kind of thing is simply false. I can't help but feel like all this backlash is due to misunderstanding. But if the center of a debate is whether or not a trans person is who they are, or worst yet, whether they have a right to live ... can't you understand how they might feel a tad unwelcome? For some people, this is purely a philosophical debate. But for others, they just want to come into a server and talk about video games and not be greeted with debates over their identity.
Personally, I feel that none of this needs to be here. For all the rosy picture people like to paint of good faith debates about trans people where those against them change their minds, it's just not happening. The people against that have no interest in "learning" or changing their minds. It's just creating a harmful atmosphere that alienates many people. And the trans stuff is just one example. At this very moment, people are gleefully dumping all kinds of inappropriate shit in Current Events. Yeah, definitely some productive debate going on in there. Is this really what you guys are defending? What good has really come out of that place? I'd really like to know, because I've seen nothing but problems.
Saying that we're inclusive and won't allow disrespect toward LGBT should not be controversial. There are many communities that don't allow sensitive debates, and many other places to have them. And it's not like we're going to be flying rainbow flags all over the place. The intent isn't to create a special high class of LGBT folks who rule over the others, or some shit. But we do have many members who fall under one of those letters, and I think it's important to make them feel welcome. And I don't think that means that other people can't be. At the end of the day, if one group of people feels unwelcome over stuff that they say, they can stop saying it. But the people feeling unwelcome over who they are can't stop being who they are, and they absolutely shouldn't have to.
I'll also say that, as someone who hates drama and controversy and hates being the center of attention, there are times when I've considered leaving the community myself. But the fact is, I think the entire place would fall apart without me. I'm not saying this to be egocentric or to overstate my own importance ... but I put a lot of work into managing things that other people don't seem willing to. And it's because I genuinely care about this community. I care about all of you. I'm doing it for you. And stuff like this ... it just tears me up so much that I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to be working today, making money that I need to support myself and my future, and instead I'm occupied with this, and so bent out of shape over it that it's all I'll be thinking about for the entire day.
Goddammit, people. I'm doing my best here. And yet people I've known for years are flipping out overnight and threatening to abandon everything. Haven't I earned a little bit of trust after all this time? You guys should know me better than this by now ...
Ugh ... I've said too much. But I'm human, and I'm frustrated, and I'm just about beyond the point of caring. So, whatever. Take my honestly and vulnerability and twist it around like you always do.
If anyone actually wants to talk about how to make things better, by all means. I'll be open to that, as always.