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#1 The Satellite

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Posted 03 January 2013 - 11:04 PM

So, this is a thread I've been thinking about making for the last couple of days. It's inspired in part by a conversation I had in IRC about how I could "rant for hours" on a couple of video games, and by some of the review threads, though that trend's been virtually dead for ages. Basically, I'm gonna pick a game (may eventually do more than just games), and then rant about it. Maybe lengthy rants, maybe shorter ones. And these rants won't necessarily be focused on a game I think is bad. Heck, at least one game I'm thinking of doing a rant upon is actually a good game in itself, but there are other factors about it that make me want to rant. That's not the one I'm going to start with, though. Anyway, so they're easier to find and follow, the guidelines of what I intend this thread to be are as follows:
  • I pick a game, whether good or bad, that I could rant about in some way, and then I create a rant based on the game.
  • Rants may not necessarily focus on how bad the game is, but rather may even be focused on poor aspects of otherwise pretty good games.
  • People are free to comment on the rants, give their input, carry on a discussion regarding one of the rants (even if it's older than the newer rants that appear).
  • I have no definite timeframe for when I'll be posting a new rant, but I'll at least let a few days pass between rants, depending on the flow of traffic regarding each specific rant. For example, lengthy conversations on a specific rant will postpone the next rant, but not necessarily until discussion's finished, because I may get the urge to move on to a new subject. But you are still free to continue the discussion on a past rant, even if a new one is posted.
  • Rants likely will contain spoilers, so if one of my rants is on a game you haven't played and don't want to spoil any of the game for yourself, do not read these rants.
  • Remember, this is all my opinion. If you happen to like the subject matter that I'm ranting on, or disagree with me, don't take it personally. I shouldn't even have to say this, but I'm posting this reminder anyway.
So, without further ado...
 
Index of Rants 
Metroid: Other M

I hate this game. I got so little enjoyment out of this game and I'm pretty certain I've gotten headaches from playing this game. Oh sure, like everyone else, when the game was announced and we saw our first trailer of it, I was pretty excited at the prospect of getting a new third-person Metroid game with the promise that it would be like the sidescrollers we know and love, but transitioned into a 3D environment. I was eager. I thought it would be great. But news continued to pour out about its new schemes and attempts to change up the formula, and I got more and more nervous. Particularly about first-person mode, and how it would be required to solve some puzzles or defeat some enemies, or even just shoot missiles. But I decided I'd give it a chance, and I was intrigued at the more in-depth story they hinted at.

However, for whatever reason, I didn't manage to acquire the game at launch date, and in fact did not get a hold of a copy until Christmas of 2011. At that point, I had heard the tales of the story being terrible and Samus' characterization deplorable, as well as several people in IRC proclaiming it as a horrible game. So when I actually did play the game, I went into it with a combination of low expectations because of this, but a hope that what I'd be playing would still be true to the Metroid formula and deliver a fantastic experience.

Let's not beat around the bush: It was a terrible game. One of the worst I'd ever played. Might declare it the absolute worst if it weren't for Superman 64.

Now let's get onto why I feel this way, starting with the most important part: The gameplay. Sure, it starts out fine enough, being basically a 2D Metroid in 3D, with your D-pad controlling movement and 1 and 2 being your shoot and jump buttons. Where it gets irritating is when the space is opened up and you can move eight directions, where a D-pad just doesn't cut it as well as a control stick would have. Sure, for the most part the game manages to keep you on a fixed track so that simply holding one direction does well enough, but it's not perfect, and you really should have been given use of the control stick to move Samus.

And then there's combat itself. Combat feels far too automatic and repetitive in this game. I get that it's a far better alternative than having to manually aim at everything in a 3D plane, but it just makes things too simple. The finishing moves for larger enemies were interesting at first, but after a while, having to finish off every enemy that way (at least if you wanted to save time) got really tedious. The new "SenseMove" dodging system is a good idea in theory, but too many encounters became nothing more than "Keep dodging until you get an opening to attack the foe." If they had made combat more varied with several ways to take down more dangerous foes, it could have been far more interesting than the final product. As it stands, combat felt like more of a chore than a staple of the series.

And then there's the biggest problem... First-person mode. Perhaps Team Ninja thought it was necessary, because Metroid was fresh off the fantastic Prime series and expected people would only want to play a Metroid game with first-person in it. Not true, since there was a likely larger crowd that wanted a pure sidescrolling Metroid. Or perhaps they were trying to meet in the middle and please both crowds. But unfortunately for them, it was a terrible addition that should have been left on the cutting room floor. It feels forced, and the fact that missiles are restricted to first-person mode makes it even more irritating. And the fact that some enemies can't be defeated unless you go into first-person mode makes it more irritating, especially when you can't move at all. You can look around, but you can't move. This makes it kind of pointless except for obscure puzzles that feel arbitrary, as well as the horrible pixel hunt segments scattered throughout that take ages for you to find out what you're supposed to be looking at. A single drop of green blood on the ground? Someone standing in a window you can't make out? These are horrible, and should have been scrapped entirely along with first-person mode; maybe then they could have developed a control scheme for the Wiimote/nunchuck or the Classic Controller that would have made the rest of the game feel better.

The least of my complaints is the linearity, because it didn't feel as forced upon you as others seemed to say. But the design of each area, for the most part, is uninspired and bland. I can not remember distinctly any areas I felt were truly exciting to navigate. Oh, and let's not forget the upgrade system. Or, "upgrade" system. In actuality, Samus has all of her items, she just decides to let "Daddy" tell her what to do, instead of being the woman we know her as and using her own judgment. And by that I mean her former CO, Adam Malkovich, gets to tell her when she gets to use certain pieces of her repertoire. Guess what this means? You get to navigate an extremely hot volcanic area for several areas before Adam finally tells you you can use the Varia Suit. It's a really arbitrary system, and sure, at least it's not the cliche "random suit malfunction oh no now you must go get all your gear back" scenario, but it's also kind of shortsighted.

I guess that brings us to the story. The story itself isn't so bad, and actually has a few interesting twists, but it has such a terrible presentation that it's easy (and forgivable) to disregard the entire story as garbage. Sure, it has a few bright spots; Adam's portrayed well, Anthony Higgins is a fun character, and Samus' backstory doesn't really have any problems. But Samus is portrayed by what I can only assume is a female copy of Hayden Christensen, and there's an overload of dialogue, meaning her lines drone on heinously. She repeats the obvious in her inner dialogue, speaks far too much, and the game seems to be more a fan of "telling" than "showing," unlike previous Metroid games. As mentioned above, Samus' characterization takes a blow by making her seem subservient to Adam rather than be the independent woman we're used to seeing her as. Sure, you can explain it away in the backstory by her relationship with Adam in the past, and Adam even does make it clear to her at the beginning that she's going to play by his rules while they're working together aboard the Bottle Ship, but it still comes off as a forced addition for the sake of gameplay reasons. And it even makes Samus seem a bit less intelligent, where she has to be told what works and what doesn't, whereas in the past she was more than resourceful enough to figure these things out for herself. And the only sign at all that she contested this agreement was a segment where she activated some of her abilities without Adam's permission, with the snarky line as well. The problem is this was during a segment when Adam's fate was unknown, so it seems kind of assholish to say when the guy may be dead at that time. "Adam! I must see if he's okay! But screw that jackass."

Then there's the stupid "baby" motif that dominates the entire storyline. The baby Metroid, the bottle ship, the "baby's cry" distress signal... Okay, we get it. Babies. Babies everywhere. I mean sure, Samus was attached to the Metroid and I'm sure its death took a toll on her, but can you get any more blatant and forceful with the baby puns? Whoever wrote this game's story and dialogue should be fired and never allowed to touch anything else in storytelling ever again. I'm sure the story would have turned out much better if it was still the same story, but a professional writer wrote all the dialogue. Oh, and they hired someone for Samus who could actually act. Has anyone ever heard the cut narration by Samus in Metroid Prime? The narration itself is out of place, but that voice is wonderful, and they should have recast her for Other M. It would have at least been that much more bearable. Instead, they hired some stage actor who had no experience in professional voice work, and the results are... this game.

Let's get the Ridley PTSD scene out of the way: It had basis in the 90s comics/manga, it's not new, it was apparently done realistically according to experts, and Ridley had in fact traumatized Samus as a child, so it isn't that unfitting. It just seems that way since no other game portrayed her suffering PTSD. I'm sure the PTSD would be suppressed when she knew he was alive and knew she had to just kill him, whereas in Other M's timeline, she knew he was dead on Zebes, but he came back anyway. I'm not gonna hate on that part because everyone already has already, and perhaps unfairly. The other games either were limited by the systems they were on or go in hand with that "She knew he was alive so she could suppress it" explanation. Moving on.

I'm also not sure how I feel about them disregarding the Chozo entirely. Aren't they pretty much the backbone of Samus' existence? I mean, this game was supposed to explore Samus' past, yet they leave out the most important piece of it. Oh well, I suppose they can't be featured in every game. And there's also the fact that Ridley is now a Pokemon... I dunno I don't like his evolutionary cycle. Little Birdie may have been cute, but turning into a giant lizard thing in one step? ... yeah... And then mutating again into Ridley? My guess is it was contrived so that they could explain why Ridley was back: "We cloned this but didn't know what it was and thought it was cute so we kept it." I'm sure just cloning him and his first form was just a smaller Ridley would still work, they could just as easily have said "We were gonna try to use him on our side like the Space Pirate clones, but it failed." Bah. So much terrible in the story of this game, so little time.

Now, the background plot of the Bottle Ship (and later the BSL laboratory in Fusion) involving the Federation secretly commissioning scientists to clone and study life to try to use for its own gain is a good plot, and I like the dynamic of the Galactic Federation not being as pure and triumphant as one might think. All of that makes for a good story. But the rest of the story is presented so poorly that it's difficult to like. In fact it's easy to hate. Doesn't help that it's told in multiple, lengthy, unskippable cutscenes either. It really all comes off as a failed experiment in the end.

As I analyze my rant and consider what I may have left out, I realize there are two things I haven't really talked about. One, the items. Which, eh, are fine I suppose, but not spectacular, and they only suffer by being incorporated into such a horribly-controlled game anyway. The other are the bosses. Which are pretty horrid, bland, or just not that exciting. Or a combination. There was one fight that was at least partially interesting, but when it became a boss that you fought multiple times, the magic wore off quickly. Oh, and don't get me started on the Queen Metroid. I'm having a hard time recalling a worse final boss than this in any video game. The first phase is a horrid segment where the Queen Metroid spawns regular Metroids, which can only be defeated by freezing them with a charge shot and then breaking them by firing a missile at them in first-person. It's difficult enough to freeze them, but breaking them gets even more difficult when there are tons of Metroids flying at you and won't stop pestering you. The next stage of the battle I can't recall, but I don't want to. The final stage allows you to relive your fondest Metroid II memories by going inside its mouth and laying a power bomb. Something many people don't figure out at first, probably because they, like Samus, had forgotten how to figure things out for themselves instead of taking orders from prompts. (In case it's not clear, that entire last sentence was a joke and another shot at Other M itself.) I figured it out, but eh, I didn't feel the slightest satisfaction. I just felt sad I wasted that much time of my life on this piece of garbage that dare call itself a game, let alone a Metroid game.

And then there was the whole retarded "You're being killed by giant beasts but if you target the girl in the background the ending cutscene plays!" And don't get me started on Phantoon... He epitomizes the whole "dodge endlessly then fire a shot when there's an opening" problem with much of the combat in this game. Eugh.

And so, there you have it: The reasons why Other M deserves to be dumped in a toilet more than your own feces. I went into it with low expectations, and still thought it was a terrible, terrible game. One of the worst ever made. A game I've ranted about so many times in various degrees in chatrooms, that I decided to compile as many of my thoughts into one post. This rant. Hopefully I got them all, despite how large this rant is already. So yeah, there's my first rant. Hope it entertained you in some way.

#2 kurt91

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Posted 04 January 2013 - 05:16 AM

I've never played Other M, although I probably will anyways after I get around to eventually finishing the Prime series. Anyways, I've always thought that Mega Man 64 got the controls perfect for the third-person shooter. I'm not whining about how we need MML3, but I don't understand why a control system like that one isn't used as a standard or something. (My main reason for this is that I have issues with first-person games because you can't see what's around you. MML letting you keep the third-person view but being able to move around like a turret solved that problem easily) Nearly all the different controllers right now have the same basic setup, so you can't really say that it wouldn't work with the console's control system. (There's the Classic Controller available as an option for the Wii, before anyone complains about the Wiimote/nun-chuck being the wrong shape.) Also, don't the nun-chucks come with the Wiimotes when you buy them, or at least the one that comes with the Wii? If it's a single-player game, there's no excuse for not including an option to use the nun-chuck.

#3 TheLegend_njf

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 08:10 AM

I thought Other M was alright. Not great or bad. But doesn't deserve to be compared to Superman 64.

Other M, in my opinion was still an enjoyable game despite the disappointments.

#4 Orithan

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 08:41 AM

QUOTE(NewJourneysFire @ Jan 8 2013, 12:10 AM) View Post

I thought Other M was alright. Not great or bad. But doesn't deserve to be compared to Superman 64.

Other M, in my opinion was still an enjoyable game despite the disappointments.

I second that, but do I agree with a lot of TS's complaints.
The part where you have to attack MB (no, I am not referring to Mother Brain here) while the Omega Pirates(?) were attacking you and how the equipment upgrades were handled in particular make little sense and felt very tacked on. Worse yet, the Expert mode also felt really cheap because the complete absence of Missile expansion packs/ Energy tanks/ etc.. shows how much of the game relies on dodging attacks more than actually fighting (Ridley OHKOs you with almost all of his attacks in Expert mode, for example).
I did like some of the things MOM had in store, like the recharge system (I am planning to implement that feature in somd way in my next quest through scripting), the appearence of Nightmere(?) (who actually turns out to be more managable than in what he was in Fusion) and inclusion of Speed Booster. But that is nowhere near enough to make up for its major problems.
Still, I would give this game no more than a 5/10 if I'm being very generous.
Also, this is a rant thread. Expect to see comparisons to Superman64, E.T. (Atari) and all of that rubbish for other games.

#5 Shane

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 08:59 AM

Do you take requests? Please rant about A Link to the Past.

Please don't murder me.

#6 The Satellite

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 03:27 PM

QUOTE(kurt91 @ Jan 4 2013, 05:16 AM) View Post
I've never played Other M, although I probably will anyways after I get around to eventually finishing the Prime series. Anyways, I've always thought that Mega Man 64 got the controls perfect for the third-person shooter. I'm not whining about how we need MML3, but I don't understand why a control system like that one isn't used as a standard or something. (My main reason for this is that I have issues with first-person games because you can't see what's around you. MML letting you keep the third-person view but being able to move around like a turret solved that problem easily) Nearly all the different controllers right now have the same basic setup, so you can't really say that it wouldn't work with the console's control system. (There's the Classic Controller available as an option for the Wii, before anyone complains about the Wiimote/nun-chuck being the wrong shape.) Also, don't the nun-chucks come with the Wiimotes when you buy them, or at least the one that comes with the Wii? If it's a single-player game, there's no excuse for not including an option to use the nun-chuck.

I'm not sure if this was in response to me or a criticism on Other M, but I never said third-person shooter controls couldn't be good, just that Other M's are kind of pretty horrible.
QUOTE(NewJourneysFire @ Jan 7 2013, 08:10 AM) View Post
I thought Other M was alright. Not great or bad. But doesn't deserve to be compared to Superman 64.

Eh, I suppose Other M is at least completable (barely), whereas Superman 64... isn't. But that doesn't stop me from thinking Other M is a pretty terrible game.
QUOTE(Orin XD @ Jan 7 2013, 08:41 AM) View Post
The part where you have to attack MB (no, I am not referring to Mother Brain here) while the Omega Pirates(?) were attacking you and how the equipment upgrades were handled in particular make little sense and felt very tacked on. Worse yet, the Expert mode also felt really cheap because the complete absence of Missile expansion packs/ Energy tanks/ etc.. shows how much of the game relies on dodging attacks more than actually fighting (Ridley OHKOs you with almost all of his attacks in Expert mode, for example).
I did like some of the things MOM had in store, like the recharge system (I am planning to implement that feature in somd way in my next quest through scripting), the appearence of Nightmere(?) (who actually turns out to be more managable than in what he was in Fusion) and inclusion of Speed Booster. But that is nowhere near enough to make up for its major problems.
Still, I would give this game no more than a 5/10 if I'm being very generous.

Desbrachians, not Omega Pirates. Arguably I'd rather fight the Omega Pirate again rather than a Desbrachian.

That does sound a little cheap for Expert Mode, but I despise the game enough to never want to try it. I suppose it's nice that we have real challenge modes again, but I also wonder why they didn't just make an equivalent to the Prime hard modes.

The recharge system... that's one thing I forgot. I honestly think that feels cheap, in the sense that if you're lucky or good enough (or both), you'll never die or run out of ammo. That totally, for me, takes away much of what the point of Metroid games were: You're stranded or stuck here till you complete a mission, now you must scavenge for supplies. I could maybe understand regenerating a suit's power, but missiles? What? It never feels as hectic or challenging, since if you run out of missiles, you can just recharge them, as opposed to having to be smart with your missiles and scavenge the battlefield for replacements if you run out.

Nightmare, btw, but as far as the speed booster, I will at least admit that shinesparking was an awesome thing.
QUOTE(Shane @ Jan 7 2013, 08:59 AM) View Post
Do you take requests? Please rant about A Link to the Past.

Please don't murder me.

This is "TS's Video Game Rants," not "TS's Endless Gushing of Love." Besides, I've already got a few games in mind to rant on anyway, I'll just have to pick one for the next segment and decide when I'm gonna write it up.

#7 Dethl

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 06:20 PM

QUOTE
Eh, I suppose Other M is at least completable (barely), whereas Superman 64... isn't.

It would be if you weren't a chicken.

#8 TheLegend_njf

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 12:08 PM

Lets not focus too much on one subject now. The ranter does express a lot of hatred for Other M, and being the nature of the rant, it can and will use a lot of powerful phrases we don't agree with always.

I still find Other M an enjoyable game, but I may be biased because I like Team Ninja. This topic don't need conflict. It's a rant topic.

Superman for him isn't unbeatable because he's chicken, Superman is unbeatable for him because he as a good "this is too poorly produced and irritating to have the desire to continue" instinct. That's a good instinct to have.

Despite my mixed beliefs with the author about Other M. I am excited to see the next review. Being an AVGN fan, I love video game rants.

#9 Din

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Posted 10 January 2013 - 02:40 AM

Oh man, I got your note. I'm thinking we can expect an X/Y rant sometime in the future. icon_razz.gif

Until then, uh... well, I know you'd tear Call of Duty apart (and it'd probably be hilarious). Or, perhaps one of the DS Zelda titles?

#10 The Satellite

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Posted 10 January 2013 - 02:58 AM

QUOTE(NewJourneysFire @ Jan 8 2013, 12:08 PM) View Post
This topic don't need conflict. It's a rant topic.

Actually I welcome some healthy discussion/debate in reply to my rants, and I'm more than willing to listen to people wanting to refute me. Then I can tell them how wrong they are. icon_deformed.gif
QUOTE(NewJourneysFire @ Jan 8 2013, 12:08 PM) View Post
Superman for him isn't unbeatable because he's chicken, Superman is unbeatable for him because he as a good "this is too poorly produced and irritating to have the desire to continue" instinct. That's a good instinct to have.

Partially that, partially because it's virtually impossible without save states or patience not even God has. icon_heh.gif
QUOTE(NewJourneysFire @ Jan 8 2013, 12:08 PM) View Post
Despite my mixed beliefs with the author about Other M. I am excited to see the next review. Being an AVGN fan, I love video game rants.

Thank you. I'm pleased to see that the thread's been well-received so far. icon_smile.gif
QUOTE(Din @ Jan 10 2013, 02:40 AM) View Post
Oh man, I got your note. I'm thinking we can expect an X/Y rant sometime in the future. icon_razz.gif

Oh, nah, those I'm actually excited for, for some reason. I just made that note to be random. Besides, any Pokemon-related rants I'd make wouldn't be about X/Y, unless I get the games and they turn out to be bad. icon_razz.gif
QUOTE(Din @ Jan 10 2013, 02:40 AM) View Post
Until then, uh... well, I know you'd tear Call of Duty apart (and it'd probably be hilarious). Or, perhaps one of the DS Zelda titles?

I might rant about the CoD franchise in general later down the road, I feel ashamed for not thinking about that. The DS Zeldas... Well, I don't feel too strongly about them (besides Phantom Hourglass is better than Spirit Tracks dammit), so maybe I'll save them for when I run out of topics to rant about, or just don't feel like doing a major rant. I'm not too sure I could find too much to rant on there honestly, other than "Why does PH have no music" or "Why do trains exist even if the mechanics are fine why is this in Zelda and why can't you unlock a way to kill the bomb trains" or something similar. So, we'll see. icon_razz.gif

Hrm, it's been a week since the first rant, wonder if it's time for me to post up a new one. I'll give it a day or two though before I do, and I already have my subject ready. Betting it'll be controversial, but hey, that's what makes it more interesting...

#11 kurt91

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Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:44 AM

If you don't mind emulating an older game, I know one that would probably get you going rather quickly. There's a TurboGrafx16 emulator called "Oolite". Grab that, and download a copy of Neutopia. I swear you'll be getting deja vu by the end of the first level. (If you haven't heard of it before, please just go in blind. Don't look up pictures or anything, just jump right in. Trust me, it's hilarious.)

#12 SpacemanDan

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Posted 11 January 2013 - 08:12 PM

QUOTE(kurt91 @ Jan 10 2013, 03:44 AM) View Post

If you don't mind emulating an older game, I know one that would probably get you going rather quickly. There's a TurboGrafx16 emulator called "Oolite". Grab that, and download a copy of Neutopia. I swear you'll be getting deja vu by the end of the first level. (If you haven't heard of it before, please just go in blind. Don't look up pictures or anything, just jump right in. Trust me, it's hilarious.)


But...Neutopia's a good game. icon_puppyeyes.gif (At least, I think it is. Not the absolute best, but I think it's fun...Though I still need to finish it. >_>)

But yeah, good rant. My only experience is through Retsupurae's Character Assassination: Authorized where Diabetus and Slowbeef commentate over all the cutscenes in the game. They made them funny to watch. XD But that's all I have on Other M.

#13 The Satellite

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Posted 12 January 2013 - 02:05 AM

I couldn't find "Oolite" or a good free emulator, gave up after three times. The first one was a demo version so I quit trying to use it, and the next two were impossible to figure out, so I just quit. From the impression I got from the first screen I got to though, it's a Zelda clone. Not so sure that makes it bad... I dunno, maybe one day I'll play it, but for now, pass.

Anyways... It's been long enough. Time for my next rant...

 
Sonic Colors

My God, why do people like this game. I mean like, it doesn't start out horribly at all, quite the opposite, Tropical Resort is a decent starting area. But that's about as good as it gets. I mean sure, it's a pretty game that pushes the boundaries of what the Wii is capable of. But graphics alone don't make the game, especially when sometimes the game prefers to show off the pretty lights rather than actually focus on making the level design enjoyable and not bland.

So, let's start with what we were expecting: A really terrible game because what kind of name is "Sonic Colors"? A game that was basically composed of the day stages in Sonic Unleashed. Now, I'm saving Sonic Unleashed for a different rant, since I believe it is in fact a fantastic game even with the Werehog, but let's not kid ourselves: The day stages, where you play as Sonic not the Werehog, were freakin' awesome. The only issue with them were some control-related issues, mostly Sonic being too slippery and drifting being... pretty much useless. So of course, you'd think with the next venture in this innovative new play style Sega developed, they'd take the time to fix these issues and make it even better, right?



The controls got worse. Sonic controls like a sack of wet cement on a slip 'n' slide. Boosting doesn't feel fast at all, it just feels stiff and useless. His 2D controls, which were about perfect in Unleashed already, were made slick and floaty. There is an added ability in the double-jump, but it feels stiff, floaty, and unnecessary, particularly when platforming sections have you rely on it too much. It also removes the ability to air dash forward, which admittedly was only available in Unleashed if you had no boost thanks to the ill-advised idea of making the homing attack button the same as the boost button, but it was an ability present in every other 3D Sonic game, so its exclusion in favor of a double-jump is eyebrow-raising. Yes, I know, it exists in the same capacity as Unleashed, but with the homing attack rightfully returned to the jump button, there's no reason at all there's no air dash ability, with or without dash. Fortunately, Generations later rectified this, so let's hope they stay the course.

Oh and drifting? Forget about it, as drifting and quick-stepping (a highly useful addition to Sonic's repertoire in Unleashed) have been removed from regular play and have been shunted to scripted scenarios that are really... really pointless. Sure, you could argue quick-step sections and drifting sections were in a sense scripted in Unleashed, but having those abilities available at any time was much more appreciated, as well as drifting sections being more spread out, instead of random, useless segments of going around multiple curves or up and down quarterpipes that... really do nothing at all but exist. Quick-step segments are slightly more natural, apart from the fact that it requires a quick tap left or right on the control stick to activate, which usually works but is sometimes finicky. It doesn't help that the majority of the time the quick-stepping is only used in chase segments, or pointless racing scenarios, where you're just... running straight forward, moving left or right to avoid attacks. Or run over Motobugs, if you're boosting.

"But all of that is excusable so long as the levels are designed well, right?" See above video. Because good level design is sparse in this game; Indiana Jones himself would have a hard time finding it. Most of the time, the game just has you run forward down empty pathways, come across a small section with maybe a few enemies and a homing attack chain, then run forward some more. Even Unleashed had good platforming in the 3D segments. 2D segments are somewhat better, but half the time the terrible controls prevent any real platforming enjoyment. And even then, almost every segment is just "climb the platforms to the upper level or boost forward through the obstacles." No real variation, few instances of unique obstacles and methods of locomotion; when they do actually add something like this, it's generally the theme of an entire level, and by that token feels more like a Mario game, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but Mario and Sonic don't play the same.

And then... the Wisps. Half feel poorly executed and afterthoughts, thrown into the game because they ran out of powerups. I've never been a fan of removing the spin dash, a staple of the series since Sonic 2, and now that it's been shoehorned into the game as a mere addition to one of the Wisp powerups, I'm even more disappointed. They don't really shake up the formula, at least not in a good way. They really feel arbitrary and forced into the game. Oh yeah, remember Light Dash? Yep, can only do that while a certain Wisp as well. Admittedly I have a soft spot for the destructive tendencies of the Laser Wisp, and do enjoy the possibilities it opens up... but there's really little praise I can give to any of the other Wisps. Rocket is... okay, I guess. Spike feels too unpredictable and difficult to control, but if you don't use spin dash, it goes too slow for my tastes, and really there aren't many good puzzles this game incorporates the Wisp into. Hover feels pointless, and could easily be replaced by other means. Like having Light Dash a regular Sonic ability. There may have been one, maybe two interesting areas where it was used... but otherwise, pointless. Drill disappoints me because it could have easily been one of the greatest additions, but it ends up being used only to get through from one level to the next, to boost endlessly through one area, or to maybe find a shortcut or two. I do not even recall it ever being necessary, maybe helpful, but not necessary, though it's admittedly fun in water. Cube... Mixed bag there, since it actually encourages speed and making fast and strategic runs through areas, so that's not bad I guess. All in all though, it feels lacking and tacked on, and therefore... worthless.

They're put to much better use in Generations, even if only one was available for each Sonic (Spike for Classic and Rocket for Modern), which further makes me feel Colors was a wasted opportunity.

The bosses, though few, are for the most part fine, if not repetitive. There's pretty much only three types of bosses, and you fight two of each type. Not terrible boss types, but some variety would have been better. There are no real complaints here other than that, and they're enjoyable fights, but yeah, a little variety would have been nice. Oh well. The final boss itself is actually really fun, if not a bit easy. So Sonic Colors manages to glide along well on its bosses admittedly. Other than this though, it's honestly mostly garbage.

"Oh oh oh, the music! Sonic games always have good music, even if the game sucks!" Firstly, Rush's soundtrack can go die in a hole. Secondly, while Colors' soundtrack isn't horrible, it certainly doesn't stand out when compared to the fantastic soundtracks of other Sonic games. I enjoy the tracks, but they're mostly lacking, and Sweet Mountain's tracks will leave you wanting to claw your ears off. Aquarium Park and Tropical Resort, in my opinion, are the only real enjoyable tracks, minus the final boss songs, and the second of the final boss tracks suffers from the Super Mario Galaxy 2 problem: Fantastic track, but doesn't get hardly enough time to play. By no means is the soundtrack downright awful (besides Sweet Mountain), it just... well, it certainly ain't anything special. I have a fear that Sega's forgotten how to make excellent soundtracks, if you take Colors and both episodes of Sonic 4 into consideration. Really hope they get over that hump though, but if we're trading good music for good gameplay, well, I suppose it's better than bad games with bad music?

"But TS, modern Sonic games have a reputation of being awful, why are you ranting about Colors in particular?" Let's get one thing straight: I think Sonic '06 is the only bad 3D Sonic game. Yes, that means I liked Heroes, Shadow, and as I've said earlier, Unleashed. Now, let's get another thing straight: Sonic Colors has received high praise and lauded as a "return to form" for Sonic, the beginning of his turnaround. Which I rightfully call bullshit on, for pretty much everything you've read in this thread. Terrible controls, bland level design, shoehorned powerups... It feels like a failed experiment. Certainly no impressive game, and often I wonder if those who proclaim it as Sonic's best game (whether that means best 3D game, best game in recent years, or best game in the series) were as high as Sega when they made this game. Just... why Sega? Why did you deviate from the course Unleashed established? Fortunately, Generations returned to course and was an excellent, excellent game, so I consider Colors a misstep, and despite the praise, Sega knew not to clone Colors for their next game. Brilliant thinking on their part. They've still not gotten it perfect it seems, judging by Sonic 4: Episode 2 (which came out after Generations), but hopefully they're on the right path. Colors can hopefully be buried in the past and never be dredged up again. The drug trip was over, it was fun while it lasted, only it wasn't fun at all.

Also go play the DS version of Sonic Colors, it's actually good.

Addendum: Hrm, all that ranting and not a single mention of the atrocious cutscene dialogue. Well let me sum it up quickly: The dialogue is absolutely putrid, Sonic is never funny, Tails' bad translations are juvenile, and Sonic really comes off as a bit of a massive idiot. The only dialogue that shines is from Eggman, while the rest of the writing must have been drafted by a kindergartner high on acid (thank you, Epic Rap Battles of History).



#14 Nicholas Steel

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Posted 12 January 2013 - 03:46 PM

You should probably mention you're mostly talking about the Wii version, somewhere near the start of the rant. As it is it seems you only make the distinction right near the end.

Edited by franpa, 12 January 2013 - 04:27 PM.


#15 The Satellite

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    May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.

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Posted 12 January 2013 - 03:47 PM

That was the point. I planned that. >.>


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