6TH MAP OF THE MONTH CONGRESS -- 1ST SESSION
P. ZC. H. RES. 111
Impeaching Zachary Dweyer for High Crimes and Misdemeanors Against Nature, & Against Zelda Classic Map Design.
IN THE PURE ZELDA CLASSIC HOUSE OF MEMBERS
Ms. RAMBLY has submitted the following resolution,
referred to committee by Mr. DWEYER on this date
in the year of our Lord two thousand and twenty on this thirteenth day of the month of March.
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RESOLUTION:
Impeaching Zachary Dweyer for High Crimes and Misdemeanors Against Nature, & Against Zelda Classic Map Design.
Resolved, That Zachary Dweyer of Wales, map-maker and winner of the fifty-ninth contest of such Nature in a tradition heretofore called Map of the Month; and additionally former Host of said tradition, is impeached for High Crimes and Misdemeanors against Nature & Zelda Classic Map Design; that he is called upon the Dock to explain his transgressions; that he is to be held in contempt by this Pure Zelda Classic Legislature on this day and in accordance with the convictions of Phantom Menace, Dark Nation all those that came before us &c.
ARTICLE I: HIGH CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS AGAINST ZELDA CLASSIC MAP DESIGN
The Rules, Guidelines & other such Considerations here presented and contained within the Charter §53990 "Map of the Month: Rules and Guidelines" clearly provide, "Hide any unfinished screens." In submitting a map with such an egregious error of assembly on it, all screens cannot be said to be "finished" in accordance with any Reasonable reading of said Rules & Guidelines.
Recognized by the legislature is additionally that Mr. Dweyer was Host of the tradition of Map of the Month; in such it is considered that his crimes are of a greater magnitude, as Blindness would be a disqualifying factor in effective function as a Judge in this or any jurisdiction; and considered that Blindness is the only possible explanation for such a dumb, stupid, stupid tile error.
Heretofore, it is considered that such actions may be considered a high crime against the aforementioned Charter; & that Mr. Dweyer is advised to not submit a Map unless he Quote "takes the shit out of his eyes and tries again" end Quote.
ARTICLE II: HIGH CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS AGAINST NATURE
We here at the Pure Zelda Classic legislature hereby recognize that Nature has immutable Laws above which is ruled the Divine; and hitherto recognize that such an egregiously sloppy show of failed craftsmanship could hence cause peoples' eyes to need some sort of eyeball bleach from seeing such a travesty or Quote "barf or throw up or some shit" end Quote. We furthermore affirm the self-evident nature of these truths as truths held in the same esteem as Quote "remember to close your corners" end Quote.
AND NOW, let it be resolved should both or any of these Articles come to pass that we must contend with Mr. Dweyer's fate; and be it resolved in such case that if Mr. Dweyer should again be considered for Host to the aforementioned Contest that he should Quote "make sure that his screens weren't put together by a dumbass idiot with sausage fingers" end Quote; and furthermore in consideration of his Role at Map of the Month or lack thereof if he should once again submit a map for the consideration of the Contest & its Purveyors that any map he submits should be subject to being made fun of by Statler and/or Waldorf from The Muppets.
Signed by Rambly in witness of the House of Members, Pure Zelda Classic.
Edited by Rambly, 13 March 2020 - 10:25 PM.