So as you know this is Michael Santi. To answer a question asked to me, I don't mind starting a new account. Anyway here i go
My journal:Dealing with doubts
This is something I been living with for years. this all goes back to when I was born. Listing the reasons what has kept me from reaching to where I wanna be.
-My appearance
-My lack of confidence
-My focus
-My lack of believing in myself
-Being autistic has been hard on me
-My motivation isn't always there
-Moving so much has lead me to being more pessimistic than optimistic about my life.
Really what's been keeping me going lately is my mom and Cimorelli and their music. Without them in my life, I feel like a lost cause. These people mean the world to me.
My doubts have swallowed me up so much that I have struggled to keep it together. I have this really high bar I wanna reach but I can never seem to reach it and it has been so difficult to getting there. I know I have to lower my bar but how? It's not as easy as you may think it is. Try telling someone with low self esteem and poor mental health to lower a high bar so easily. I guarantee you it very hard. Especially for someone like me who has moved so freaking often. You have any idea how many times I wanted to hurt myself and give up? I lost count how many. I never trusted in my ability all my life. Maybe I have a hidden strength inside me. I'm very unique, honest and genuine in a world where there is so many fake people. Maybe I really am one of the lucky ones. Maybe I am the miracle baby. I know I have to defeat my doubts even if it kills me. I will do whatever I takes to continue to do what I love, fight for what I believe in. I been dealing with bullies all my life and other people who never respected me and Im just gonna ignore the doubters. They will NOT WEIGH ME DOWN ANYMORE! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! GO AHEAD AND TRY TO GET UNDER MY SKIN, I DON'T CARE. BECAUSE YOU'RE ONLY WASTING YOUR PRECIOUS ENERGY ON TRYING TO RILE ME UP RATHER THAN DOING SOMETHING MORE PRODUCTIVE LIKE, GETTING AN ACTUAL JOB. LOL YEE
~Michael Santi [Cimilizer]