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#1 CimFighter

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Posted 31 January 2017 - 01:30 PM

So as you know this is Michael Santi. To answer a question asked to me, I don't mind starting a new account. Anyway here i go

 

My journal:Dealing with doubts

This is something I been living with for years. this all goes back to when I was born. Listing the reasons what has kept me from reaching to where I wanna be.

-My appearance
-My lack of confidence
-My focus
-My lack of believing in myself
-Being autistic has been hard on me
-My motivation isn't always there
-Moving so much has lead me to being more pessimistic than optimistic about my life.

Really what's been keeping me going lately is my mom and Cimorelli and their music. Without them in my life, I feel like a lost cause. These people mean the world to me.

My doubts have swallowed me up so much that I have struggled to keep it together. I have this really high bar I wanna reach but I can never seem to reach it and it has been so difficult to getting there. I know I have to lower my bar but how? It's not as easy as you may think it is. Try telling someone with low self esteem and poor mental health to lower a high bar so easily. I guarantee you it very hard. Especially for someone like me who has moved so freaking often. You have any idea how many times I wanted to hurt myself and give up? I lost count how many. I never trusted in my ability all my life. Maybe I have a hidden strength inside me. I'm very unique, honest and genuine in a world where there is so many fake people. Maybe I really am one of the lucky ones. Maybe I am the miracle baby. I know I have to defeat my doubts even if it kills me. I will do whatever I takes to continue to do what I love, fight for what I believe in. I been dealing with bullies all my life and other people who never respected me and Im just gonna ignore the doubters. They will NOT WEIGH ME DOWN ANYMORE! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! GO AHEAD AND TRY TO GET UNDER MY SKIN, I DON'T CARE. BECAUSE YOU'RE ONLY WASTING YOUR PRECIOUS ENERGY ON TRYING TO RILE ME UP RATHER THAN DOING SOMETHING MORE PRODUCTIVE LIKE, GETTING AN ACTUAL JOB. LOL :) YEE

~Michael Santi [Cimilizer]



#2 Naru

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Posted 31 January 2017 - 03:17 PM

I don't know the background for making a new account but since it is not allowed to have multiple accounts at once (as far as I remember) did you delete your old one? Or notify an Administrator? Anyway, I hope making a new Account gives you a bit of motivation.

#3 Dark Ice Dragon

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Posted 31 January 2017 - 05:29 PM

I don't know the background for making a new account but since it is not allowed to have multiple accounts at once (as far as I remember) did you delete your old one? Or notify an Administrator? Anyway, I hope making a new Account gives you a bit of motivation.

 

is forbidden a duplicate account, but i think is allowed change name of the current account, whitout create another.

CimFighter, seem you already gain more confidence !


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#4 Anthus

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Posted 31 January 2017 - 07:02 PM

When I first saw the avatar, and name, I though, "MermaidCim will be excited, there's another Cimorelli fan here". But onto more serious stuff. I can't tell you to "cheer up" or "be positive" cause those are just words, but you do seem to have enough self awareness to recognize problems that you want to fix, and that alone is invaluable to have within oneself. People who are unwilling to change things about themselves cause they think they got it all are the ones who I feel like are really suffering, but I digress. Wanting to change stuff about yourself is good, and neccissary for personal growth. What I want to ask is, have you ever considered getting professional help with these feelings? I know it's not easy, or cheap, but it could help a ton. The advice of a mental health professional is far more valuable than the ramblings of an internet community based on a fan game. :P

 

Oh, and,

 

 

 I'm very unique, honest and genuine in a world where there is so many fake people.

 

Those are good qualities to have too. Keep up the good fight, and I wish you the best. This.. is a bit personal, but one of my cousins has Autism, so my heart goes out to you. It's not always easy being "wired a little bit differently" as my aunt puts it.

 

edit: wait, why did you make another account? I thought it was just a name change. It's none of my business either way, just curious :P


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#5 CimFighter

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 11:29 PM

ty for the feedback. I will be strong.

 

Regarding the old account, I tried resetting my pw but i never got an email so I felt...forget it, I'm just gonna start over. My old PC died in December with all my stuff on there :( I'll contact administrator soon to delete MermaidCim from the books if I can.

 

But more important,i Need to hang in there all I can.



#6 Naru

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 06:38 AM

Actually not too long ago there was some kind of problem with e-mails and pure. People didn't get a mail and all. It should be fixed right now but if I remember right the administrators couldn't see who had the problem and just manually send the mails to the ones they got notified about through other members. So there might be a chance you can get you old account back.


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